The Choice to Give Choices

OK, I'm diving right into this blog with something that I've been thinking about for a while. So here goes.

Seven years ago, my husband and I had our first child, a daughter. Since we were both readers, and obviously new to the whole parenting thing, we read just about everything we could on the subject. If you're a mom, you know that "they" tell you that as your child enters the toddler years, to start giving them small choices so that they feel they have control over something. Sounded good to us, so that's what we did. Small choices between two items such as: which shirt would you like to wear today? or which sippy cup would you like to use?

Flash forward several years and we began to notice that our dear daughter now considered her opinion equal to ours in every area. Where would we go for dinner? What should we do for vacation? What car should we buy? There was no end to the things she would voice her thoughts on. We would always listen to her, but tell her that ultimately, the decision belonged to us, as the adults. But that never stopped her from trying to persuade and cajole us to see all things her way.

Last night, while trying to buy her sneakers for back to school, I'd finally had enough! We had chosen a pair of shoes on-line and went to the store to try them on for size and purchase them. Except, once we got to the store, she found several other styles she wanted instead. More expensive styles. I'll skip the gory details, and say that forty-five minutes later, I drove us home empty-handed and frustrated. (Can someone please tell me why it's necessary for there to be 50 different styles of sneakers for kids? Curse you, Skechers!) So, I changed my approach today and went out alone and brought home 3 pairs of shoes in her size. Mom's "store" at which she can shop for her back to school sneakers.

While I don't want to stifle my child's thoughts and opinions they way mine were as a child, I'm sincerely reconsidering the whole "small choices" advice. As I thought more about it, I came to see that, to me, the choices I gave her at age 2 or 3 were small and insignificant ones. But to her, those things were her world. She embraced her freedom to voice her opinion, and now tries to steamroll us with it. And now when things don't go her way, I've got to deal with the moping and emotional outbursts I thought I would be free from until puberty.

I admit it's quite possible that my daughter is simply an exception. After all, she has been speaking in sentences since about age 18 months, and people often comment on her adult-like vocabulary. We've often said she is well on her way to being a top sales person in any field she chooses. But we aren't taking any chances with her brother. He has just recently entered the stage where those "experts" suggest we start offering him those choices. This time around, we'll be a little more aware, a little more discerning. And take my mom's advice. Don't give him so many choices!